Today’s Topic: HAVING A HEALTHY SUPPORT SYSTEM. It’s been said that it takes a village to raise a child. This is not only true for the child but also for the parent(s). When you adopt a child, you’ll need support from time to time.
For me, my family and doctors are my support system. They all support me in different ways. Before actually adopting a child, it’s important to disclose your intentions to your support system to make sure they are on board. This gives them time to prepare themselves mentally for the new addition(s).
This doesn’t mean you are asking for permission. You are just making them aware of a major life decision and receiving their feedback. It’s so reassuring to know the people in your circle have your back and support your decision to adopt. It’s important to know that your child will be walking into a community of people who will welcome them with love and acceptance, something greatly needed by adopted children.
On a transparent note, it was important for me to share my intention to adopt with a therapist so that I can get a professional assessment of whether I’m in a good place emotionally to be a mom. Additionally, it’s important that my parents and siblings know I’m adopting because they will be assuming new roles as grandparents, aunts, and uncle to children they will see on a regular basis. I also shared the news with my close girlfriends who were ecstatic to say the least. Toward the end of my process, I finally disclosed the news to my co-workers and church family. You don’t have to disclose your business to that many people if you’re not comfortable. For me, the further along I got in the process, the more open I became in disclosing my moves.
Be advised that’s its not necessary to disclose your adoption process with everyone you know. At first, I would solely focus on sharing with the vital people in your life whom you will be depending on for support. As your process progresses, then tell others.
I should warn you that people can be very opinionated about adoption. Unfortunately, not everyone is in favor of it and will start to tell you horror stories. A few people even told me horror stories about their own biological kids in an attempt to persuade me to change my mind. I was tempted to tell them, “Just because you raised some unruly rascals doesn’t mean my kids are going to turn out that way.” LOL. However, when you’re already stressed out over paper work and answering emails back & forth with your agency, the last thing you need is a verbal exchange with someone who’s most likely misinformed about adoption anyway. Just let it go & stay focused.
For those of you hoping to be chosen by a birth mother, I definitely get the openness that I’ve been seeing on many of your social media pages. That’s a little different. You’re putting yourself out there to be chosen. No one is going to be a bigger advocate for you than YOU. So, I affirm your transparency 100%.
Lastly, just know that it’s okay if your support system is only a handful of people. Mine only consists of a few people at the end of the day. And sometimes that’s all you need. Thanks for reading… See you next post !
