When we adopt a child, we tend to focus only on the child and very little on the family from which they came. I know it can be challenging to extend grace to bio parents who have severely abused, neglected, or abandoned the children we have grown to love. For the sake of the child, however, it is important to acknowledge their biological family and speak well of them as best we can.
Reason being, adoptive children will always long for and think about their bio family no matter how good of parents we are to them. It’s only natural, and there’s no need to feel threatened by or resistant to it. If we, as adoptive parents, speak negatively about birth parents, our adoptees will be reluctant to share their thoughts and desires about their adoption with us.
Sharing facilitates their healing, so it’s important to let them know it’s okay to talk about birth parents, cousins, siblings, etc. If they miss someone in their family, it’s okay to talk about it. If the child’s safety is not in jeopardy, it could be helpful to arrange visitations with certain family members in the case of an open adoption.
I am aware that my future children will have a life before coming to me that includes family members that are strangers to me but family to them. Its important to provide a safe space for them to share how they feel and admit if they miss someone. Even if they cannot articulate it right away, just knowing that they have a freedom to vent might be comforting to an adoptive child.
One popular way in which children can communicate their feelings is through art. A good therapist could be instrumental in helping children express their innermost feelings. I’m no expert, but I am open and aware of the ongoing lifelong issues many adoptees face. Let’s not be oblivious to their internal struggles. Addressing those struggles in a loving way can only help our adoptees.
I know this is a sensitive topic among adoptees. If you are an adoptive parent or adoptee with constructive comments, feel free to leave them below. Thanks so much for reading & See you next post !!
Yours Truly,
Banessa